Tale as old as time: assuming kids must smile for family photos
When children are part of a photography session, I frequently notice that the grown-ups present feel the need to encourage their kiddos to smile for the camera. Parents, grandparents, nannies and many, many other photographers out there: I see you. I feel you!! When your kid doesn’t smile for family photos, it feels… like something is going wrong. During a family photography session with me, however, I really, really, want to Let It Go.
When it comes to modern photography, particularly of children, the socially approved emotion to be captured seems to be Happiness.
Smile!
Say Cheese!
Put on a happy face!
As a parent myself, I know that it is supremely satisfying to see visible proof of happiness on my kid’s face. The challenging work of being a mom gets some payback every time I see my kids’ glorious smiles. I’m pretty sure those smiles are part of the biological hardwiring magic that keeps me going on the bumpy road of parenthood.
So it’s not surprising that when we think about photography as a way to preserve a memory, or capture a moment, it’s the happy moment that we want to see. If it’s not happening naturally, we very often ask for it. So what about when that’s not what a child is feeling in that moment?
What if putting on a smile for photos doesn’t feel right?
Asking kids to always smile for photos is like asking them to put on a face that may or may not reflect what they are really feeling inside. When we ask them to fake it, are we asking them to push down their real feelings and perform a more pleasing, more acceptable version of themselves?
I wish we could live in a world where being real was always okay. I understand however that complete authenticity is not socially ‘acceptable’ in every situation. But still, when it comes to making photographs of them, I want the children I work with to feel truly seen and respected in their own integrity, not contingent on whether they are wearing their ‘happy’ face.
Holding space for all emotions can bring us back to genuine smiles for family photos
To be clear: I love capturing Happiness, Joy, Silliness, Laughter and many other positive emotions in my photos. But at the same time, I want us to come by those emotions honestly. I don’t want anyone faking it for the camera. I want to make space and acceptance for all emotions. Sometimes a photograph of a difficult emotion – or simply a deeper one than just a pretended smile – will tell a story that, years from now, you will want to hold on to just as much as the smile.
I believe there is more to document than just one dimension of a child’s experience, and that ‘happy’ is only one color in our emotional box of crayons. I also think that accepting all the colors invites a trust that ultimately CAN bring us to Joy and Happiness- the real kind.
Welcoming all the feels – not just smiles in family photos
I hope that during our session together, you and your child will experience many positive emotions! Asking you to think about an activity that can be enjoyed by all, letting the kids wear what they want, and allowing genuine emotions to come and go as the session proceeds are all ways to keep things relaxed and enjoyable for everyone. The obligation or pressure to smile for family photos can be lifted. Parents can enjoy simply being with their kids and not asking them to perform. Kids can trust that their authentic selves are being honored.
In every family session I photograph, I hope to find acceptance, compassion, and connection. Kids respond so wonderfully when they feel safe. And guess what? It looks great in photos.